He goes too fast or too slow for the conditions and when he talks his talk is forever about somewhere else, something else. He’s here but he’s not here. He rejects the here, is unhappy with it, wants to be farther up the trail but when he gets there will be just as unhappy because then it will be “here.” What he’s looking for, what he wants, is all around him, but he doesn’t want that because it is all around him. Every step’s an effort, both physically and spiritually, because he imagines his goal to be external and distant.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert M. Pirsig
Block 2 of the second semester is done. My marks were decent, but now I feel like some of the material we’re being presented isn’t being present well. There’s not much I can do to fix that however, and the sad fact still remains that class attendance is mandatory.
Otherwise, I’ve had more time to reflect on my motivations here and how they undulate. Sometimes I simply study to know, sometimes I study to pass, and sometimes I study because I know the vitality of the information presented to me. In an ideal world my motivations would always favor the latter of the three. It’s just mind numbing to go over concepts several times when you understand something already and their importance isn’t immediately apparent.
It’s the futility of being a student. I want to do things, but I don’t know enough to even begin to practice medicine. If anything, this whole experience makes me miss the rush of achievement lab work can bring when results are good.