Fulfillment

I don’t feel fulfilled in any regard of my life. I feel like I have progressive small successes that have still resulted in what feels like no real progress. I am full of fear and regret. I am scared of becoming the person I once was, and I know it’s really as simple as choosing not to be that person, but the onslaught of rejection and lack of progress take away from the simplicity of that choice. I want to be full of vivacity, candor, and life. I think the real world that I’ve become accustomed to is unhappy with these characteristics in a person.

I live in suburbia and am frightened by the fact that I am growing older and wasting my life and time with no consequence or meaning or happiness.

My friends are all in other places doing better and more fulfilling things. And I know I shouldn’t judge myself against others but I can use their lives as a standard of “what could have been.” It’s soul-crushing because I feel like I am fully capable of taking on any challenge. I have the capacity to do anything, but I need some reassurance in myself through the validation of others, specifically those I have paid to judge my merits.

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