There is pain in my serratus posterior inferior muscle. I am unsure as to what exactly caused it, but I suspect it was squats. That was some time ago. We’ll see how it heals. To wrap up 2012, I’d like to state a few goals I met and a few failures I suffered. I’ll also update my goal list.
- Winning team design best in show
- Handstand and Headstand
- Pull-ups and Chin-ups
- Enjoying genetics and research
- Having a plan for life if things went awry with regards to medical school
- Having medical school go awry
- Being a scribe
- Living at home with little social interaction
- Dietary adherence
- Spironolactone research and paper
- Register for courses
- Figure out my next research project
- Read more
- Diet better
- Continue to lift/gymnastics
- Computational work
- Innocentive trial
For the past few days I toured the city and suburbs of Atlanta with my family. While this is not my ideal good time, it was basically a move by my mother to get everyone to spend time together.
My idea of vacation is exciting and dangerous and adventurous. This was more laid back. We went to the World of Coca-Cola, Stone Mountain, and the Aquarium. The hiking was decent, but there was no reward – no waterfall or spectacular view – just a decent one. We also ended up going to a great farmer’s market (Dekalb – it was the size of a Sam’s Warehouse with the offering of a Whole Foods) and my cousin-in-law’s relatives house.
To keep things fresh, I managed to get us to eat at some good places. We have Vietnamese (Saigon Bistro), some Greek food, some ‘eh’ Indian food, and some downright DELICIOUS desi food (Taste of India).
Back to cottage cheese and whey. Oh also some Tofu from Dekalb.
In moments of weakness, I often think to myself, I wish I could do ‘X’ or have accomplished ‘X’ by now. Then I snap back to reality, realizing that if I truly wanted these things I would would either (A) already have accomplished them, (B) be working actively to accomplish them, or (C) not really want to accomplish these things.
For instance, I want to be an MD/PhD. No, I am not in such a program, but I am trying to secure a position that will lead me to such a place. If I fail, I will try again, exhausting all feasible options until I reach this goal. If I stop, it is because I did not actually want this. This is how the world works. People arrive at their destinations because they actually want to reach them, not by some wayward happenstance. People don’t get into these programs on a whim. To work on fulfilling projects or be accepted into a place that will let one do such, one must demonstrate that one has the foresight and scope and breadth of knowledge to be trusted in such a position. To do this, one must show it the actions and time-tested record one can show others (a good curriculum vitae)
I know I am whimsical (or as some say, ‘fickle’) about several things, but time will be the test to see how truly I want to persevere at my goals. Will I get an MD? Yes. A PhD? Yes. A muscle up? Yes. In time.
Above, I said exhaust all feasible options. By this, I mean never again having a year like I am having now. Sitting out. Biding my time and working on building my ‘character’ and killing my ego.
I don’t feel fulfilled in any regard of my life. I feel like I have progressive small successes that have still resulted in what feels like no real progress. I am full of fear and regret. I am scared of becoming the person I once was, and I know it’s really as simple as choosing not to be that person, but the onslaught of rejection and lack of progress take away from the simplicity of that choice. I want to be full of vivacity, candor, and life. I think the real world that I’ve become accustomed to is unhappy with these characteristics in a person.
I live in suburbia and am frightened by the fact that I am growing older and wasting my life and time with no consequence or meaning or happiness.
My friends are all in other places doing better and more fulfilling things. And I know I shouldn’t judge myself against others but I can use their lives as a standard of “what could have been.” It’s soul-crushing because I feel like I am fully capable of taking on any challenge. I have the capacity to do anything, but I need some reassurance in myself through the validation of others, specifically those I have paid to judge my merits.
Nestin in red, MAP2 in green. Images were good. Write-up complete.
Several of past goals were met. New ones for now:
- Write up for Lab
- Spironolactone/Investigate questions brought up by Dr. Samuel regarding ESRD and potassium channels
- Read children’s books
- Continue handstand work (I have made great progress in this – held a handstand with back against the wall for the first time – arm strength is increasing)
- Register for Biochem.
- Matlab/Wolfram practice
- Scored well
- Perform RT-PCR analysis and ICC staining
- Lift with friend
- Send out updates to all schools
- Passaged cells
- Finished pediatric proposal (not great but we’ll see)
- Got a squat rack
As a side note, the long-standing goals have yet to be met.
My uncle was generous enough to lend me his weight set, so we’re off. I have a squat rack, plenty of weight, and (hopefully) a willing partner.
Also, my diet was not on point at all, but so goes. I’d rather be able to do a handstand than be lean (for now).